28 juli 2012

My body is beautiful

Translation of my blog post from july 26th 2012, originally written a few hours after I posted this beach picture on Facebook.

You can contact me on Facebook or Twitter, @lindamariie.


 

Oh my God. Five hours ago I posted a picture of myself on Facebook. I stand on the beach in a bikini who may have seen its best days three years ago and posing happily. And I'm posting it in the car on the way home. Now: 46 000 likes. Over 1000 emails, 2000 comments and nearly 400 pitches. Why? Only because I did not fit into the body-on-beach-ideal world. Because I'm different.

Right now, I wish I could have predicted this craziness, prepared a speech and could find all that stuff in my head that I want to say. But I want to tell you something. The picture was published for various reasons:
 
1. I'm so sick of the fact that girls who look like me do not dare put down their summer pictures, do not dare to show how beautiful they are. At least not in my friend feed. The narrow, little girls publish photos of their beach bodies and those with my body shape publishes images of just the ocean. Out of pure fear that people will think their are wrong. Because that's what people think. And people also likes to tell you. I'm not at all saying that narrow bodies are somehow less beautiful, I'm not trying to insinuate that the only large bodies should be published, but in my net world bodies without trained stomachs and marked ribs are underrepresented. I wanted to change that, even it out, today.
2. I think that, despite the fact that girl magazines again and again pretend that they think that "all bodies are equally fine," larger bodies still seems to be a hell of a taboo subject, something that should be hidden under the comprehensive clothing or accepted, but "you know well that it would be healthy if you went down a bit? ". I think it's amazing that it is a substance which is more and more debated, but I do not think that "ordinary" girls, and boys for that matter, dare to take it by force and carry it on.
3. I've hated my body before. And I want to show that it is possible to love everything everyone else says is wrong with you.
 
I've hated my body to curse. I have cried over it, taken pictures of my stomach and wanted to vomit. I have been bullied for it since I was six. Maybe earlier, I do not remember. But I remember school. I remember what it was like to be called fat girl, I remember what their eyes looked like in the bath house when we where swim practicing every Wednesday. I remember friends of my father sitting on the couch when we had dinner, saying "you really want more?" and looking at my twelve year old body. I remember when I got this blog. When I got YouTube. And all the hatred about how disgusting my double chin was, my thick legs or my calloused arms that came then.
 
I also remember when I bought the bikini in the picture, the one that was on sale three years ago. I remember how I once thought I looked a bit nice. And how I put a picture of my new bikini on my blog, glad about today's purchase. But what I remember more than the little joy is how someone posted it on a anonymous discussion site. The comments flew back and forth into and few were positive. Well, no comments were positive, actually. It was "fucking fatty," "damn, most disgusting thing I've seen" and "how can a pig like to show off?". I never cried. I reported. But when I saw that the people in my community posted pictures where they laughed at a computer screen with my picture up there, I broke down.
 
I've been on diets a hundred times over. I went to Weight Watchers, I have counted points, I've done it all. But I will never be small. And I do not want to anymore. I will not change my body when I feel good - I want to be accepted as beautiful. Not okay, not allowed, but just as beautiful as all other bodies. I'm almost grateful for all the fucking hatred I experienced, because it means I have had to be strong. There was no one else to fight for me and my body.
 
And I LOVE my body. My body FEELS GOOD. I do not eat cake for breakfast and I do not spend my time on the couch every second of the day. I work out, I eat well, I feel fucking great. My body is not unhealthy, that people try to insinuate. My body doesn't wander in some and of obesity, it does not stop me from anything in life and it is NOT disgusting, as people have tried to tell for twenty years. It is a happy, curvy body that I do not want to change a jot longer.
 
I think the initiatives by girl magazines capabilities are good, but I also think it is inadequate. Nobody looks like a model image, even if the body is said not to be air brushed . My picture ISN'T air brushed, except the effects of instagram. It was taken with a camera phone and it is authentic. It is a happy girl who had just taken the first plunge of the year. And given the completely insane response I received that picture was obviously needed. How is it even possible that a healthy woman's body can affect as many people? Isn't THAT a sign that the world is completely messed up?
 
Out of the 1000 emails I received the last few hours, 95% is written by girls who really appreciate that I dared. I want to cry. Both because I am grateful for the feedback, is an easily moved person AND because, fuck, isn't showing your vacation pictures something you should be able to do without "being brave enough"? It's insane that people think you should have THE COURAGE to do that. I am so overwhelmed that people really seem to admire that I dared. Dared? That I dared to put up such a picture as everyone else with smaller bodies already have? Yes. Because my body is bigger. And I am truly ready to cry about how many people that writes to me that they skipped the beach with friends because they didn't dare to appear in a bikini. That they opted out of joy because they are ashamed of their bodies. Get it? No one should ever have to CHOOSE joy away because of their body. If it's something I want to show the world it is that I do not care a second about what anyone thinks about my body anymore. It's mine and I love it. It can do anything a slim body can, it feels excellent and it's fucking beautiful. Just like everyone else's are. And therefore, it may also take as much space on the net as everybody else's.
 
I do not know what's gonna happen now. I was not prepared that any more than maybe my friends would like that picture. But I wanted to influence people - I am a journalist student - and if a picture of my beach body can gain so much attention, I might actually be able to change something in this world. And if it's something I want to change it is the abnormally large, bloody focus we have on what a body should look like or be.
 
I do not for one second mean that a curvy body is somehow better than a narrow one, which I've seen that some commenters have interpreted it as. My caption was "Well, if people with flat stomachs can post their beach pictures, so can I". But it is not about valuing flat stomaches in any way - it's about the fact that my body type was underrepresented in my vicinity. It was like no one dared to go out there with a few more pounds. I do not want it that way. I want a mix online, just as people of the world are mixed in real life. It should not be braver to show off a big body than a small one. It shouldn't at all require courage to show everything that is beautiful with one self.
 
My body is not more beautiful than anyone else's - but it is EQUALLY beautiful. I am beautiful. And you, who dare to share, like and tell me about your bodies, you are beautiful - in more than one way.
 
Linda-Marie Nilsson

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Att vara fet visar att man inte kan sätta gränser, att man är lat och inte bryr sig. Därför är det inte attraktivt. Jag respekterar alla som vilj ändra sig och gör nånting åt det, men det här är bara efterblivet. Ha så kul med att dö ung!

David W

Very good article and you are so right !! I hope you have started something very positive !

To me your body shape is far more preferable than those under-fed looking size zero skinny ones.

You did good !

lauren

david w... you seem to miss a lot of the point. All bodies are EQUALLY BEAUTIFUL, and it is partially comparisons like yours ("I like x-type female assigned body so much more than disgusting y-type.") that cause a culture of body shaming and self-directed hatred.

Cris

Youre beautifull, are you single?

Jeroen (Netherlands)

Very well written Linda-Marie!

I experienced pretty much the same in my past since childhood. Your message hopefully will open a lot of eyes but sadly there will always be a bunch of superficial people who only care about their looks, possessions and status.

You should never care to much about what other people think and say about you, you alone are important to you, nobody else matters to that point. You look nice and have a beautiful face as well. Maybe you are a bit chubby but so what, you're not at all to fat health-wise but nice & naturally curved. I like what I see, if my opinion is any support to you!

By the way, being slim and bony isn't that healthy at all you know? If you get seriously ill you have a better chance to survive with some reserve but google will find you even more reasons.

Linda

Thank you for sharing this photo!

shaa

lovely blog and lovely figure.
i love the statement!

go girl!

Sandy

Hilsner fra Danmark! Respekt for deg Linda-Marie!

I made a blog post about you :) http://fabfat87.blogspot.dk/2012/07/linda-marie-inspiration.html

ellybells

Det här var det bästa jag hört, på väldigt väldigt länge. Helt utan ord!

Claus

Du er en fantastisk kvinde. Der er mange der kan lære af dig. Man skal elske sig selv, før man helt og aldeles kan elske andre. Har med stor glæde læst din historie, og er blevet meget rørt af den. Man kan simpelthen ikke undgå at blive varm helt ind i hjertet.
Din bikini er ikke det flotteste jeg har set, men det der er inden i den er absolut fantastisk. ;-)
Vær stolt af dig selv, og kæmp videre for din sag- det vil glæde mange.

Dennis

You ARE beautiful! And a great example to many young girls who think they don't measure up to a supposed ideal. But the bikini will have to go...

Mrich

You're OK girl!
I fully support your statement!
And for what it is worth.... You're a beatiful girl!

Carina Pohlmann

Thank you for making a path for all bigger sized women and for schowing the world their beauty

Nui1

Du ser da vild godt ud..

Thomas

Hi and first of all you are lovely. In fact you are the best thing I have seen at the beach all year. Positively feminine and sexy. The whole "ideal" thing has been ridiculous since the 80's when Twiggy was the supermodel. Don't ever be ashamed of that body - it is perfect!

BR Thomas

Dennis

Your a cool woman and indeed you sould be proud of yourself , respect is what i can say and your beautyful the way you are .
Your a very atractiv woman with a nice sweet and pure smile ;-) i think thats the reason newspapers printed your story in the newspapers and on there websites .
You made a statement and i fully support you in that , i love people like you ;-)

Greetings from the Netherlands aka Holland

Pepijn van Vliet

You are beautifull in every way!

Julie DK

Du har gjort mig stolt af mig selv og min krop. Tak.

erica

bloggade om dig!

Eva Hammarström-Rådberg

Hej. Såg dej på nyhetsmorgon och vill bara säga "bra gjort kredit till dej"

Robban

Grymt go tjej, tänk om alla tjejer var som du....!
Kram till dej :)

ina

Hur vågar folk skriva elaka kommentarer om fet hit och dit? Självklart vågar dom inte skriva ut sina namn. Men jag vill säga att du är en förebild för kvinnor världen över och du är jättefin.
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Jenny Bernström

Hej!

Nästa vecka ska jag ha en föreläsning, smal kropp = sund kropp? Skulle gärna vilja ha med din bild sommblivit så omdiskuterad, är det ok? Jag vill visa på att bara för att man är trådsmal så behöver man inte må bra. Det handlar om att vara trygg i sig själv och kunna stå för den man är.

Tacksam för svar !!

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